Cold Day In July
by Tracy Space Cowgirl
Summary: Maria leaves Michael on a cold day in July...


Cold Day In July   
By Tracy (biancaheart@yahoo.com) 

Rating: PG or so, I dunno… 

Category: M/M 

Spoilers: Wipeout, I guess….not really critical to   
plot… 

Summary: Michael remembers…. 

Disclaimer: I don't own Roswell, much to my chagrin.   
I'd like to though. Are you interested in selling?   
Who needs a college education anyway?   
The song is by the Dixie Chicks 

Author's Note: This is a sad and kind of soppy   
story….   
__

_*The moon is full and my arms are empty_   
_All night long I've pleaded and cried_   
_You always said the day that you would leave me_   
_Would be a cold day in July.*_   


It's uncommonly cold today, Maria. 

It's July, but I have to wear a sweat shirt, and that   
heavy winter coat you bought me that one day, at that   
one store. It still smells of the mothballs you   
stored in the hall closet. 

I can't sleep Maria. I haven't slept in a long time.   
I can't face going into the bedroom, and knowing that   
you won't be there. Knowing that you won't come and   
wrap your arms around me, and let me bury my face in   
your hair. I can't stand it. 

You left last night, Maria. Or was it early this   
morning? You know I was never good at keeping track   
of time. I always let you be the responsible one.   
Who will buy the batteries for the clock now? I don't   
know what size it takes, or what brand is the best.   
You always took care of that. I don't know if I can. 

The stars are bright tonight. You always loved   
looking at the stars. Not as much as Alex or Izzy,   
and not for the same reason. You said that stars were   
jewels in the sky. You were a jewel in my eye.   


_*Your bags are packed not a word is spoken_   
_I guess we said everything with goodbye_   
_Time moves so slow and promises get broken_   
_On this cold day in July*_

They came over today and picked out a dress for you. 

It's purple. You always like Purple. Liz cried the   
entire time. She remembered shopping with you for   
that dress… that dress leaving the closet was like   
admitting that you weren't coming back. It was   
leaving, because you left. 

Soon your other things will follow. Everything about   
this wonderful house that made it always made it so   
much like you. Your silly knick knacks that I   
pretended to hate. The pictures you insisted on   
taking at every single family event and outing. 

The rainbow painted walls. You insisted that the   
house had rainbows. Do you know how many rainbows   
there are in this house? Exactly 365. One for every   
day of the year, I guess. I'd give you all the   
rainbows that I could, if you were here. 

I was always afraid that I would be the one to leave.   
That I couldn't keep the promise. That I wouldn't be   
a good husband. That I would be like Hank. 

I promised when we married that I would never let   
anything come between us again, Maria. 

But I did. 

I let death take you. 

I didn't want to, but you refused being healed. 

"Everything has its' season, Michael." You said.   
"And mine won't be here forever. I was only meant to   
live just a short time." 

You were always like Spring, Maria. Full of hope and   
joy, and untold brilliance, just under the surface. 

You left in Summer. 

I guess Spring can't go on forever.   
__

_*Sun's comin up comin up down on Main Street_   
_Children shout as they're running out to play_   
_Head in my hands here I am_   
_Standing in my bear feet_   
_Watching you drive away_   
_Watching you drive away*_

It's morning. 

You've been gone a day. 

How come I can still feel you? Will I always feel   
you? 

I feel numb Maria. Numb because you are not here.   
Numb because I can't feel anything but you- and your   
absence. 

We had fifty two years together. I guess we were   
pretty lucky. Silly me, I wanted forever. 

Children are playing outside, Maria. Some of those   
children playing out there are our grandchildren, and   
great-grandchildren. Others wear a bewildered Evans   
look, or a Valenti smirk. 

All those years ago, I never thought I was good enough   
for you. 

Imagine my surprise when you told me that you felt the   
same way about me sometimes. 

Nothing could be better than you, Maria. Nothing. 

I watched you leave the house for the last time.   
Well, you had already left, and I'm sure you were   
already dancing in the flower fields of Heaven. But I   
watched your body leave. It seemed cold without your   
soul. I remembered watching you leave with Liz and   
Kyle when the wipe out occurred. I should have kissed   
you. You came back. This time, I tried to follow   
you. The ambulance drove off- and I stood in the   
driveway. 

Watching you leave. 

My feet were bare. 

You hated it when I didn't wear shoes. But I couldn't   
find any socks.   
__

_*You said that we would last forever_   
_You said our love would never die_   
_It looks like Spring and_   
_It feels like sunny weather_   
_On this cold day in July*_

I buried you where you could see the garden. Close to   
your Mom and Jim. You said you liked that spot when   
we picked out the plot. You liked the flowers. 

I miss your Mom and Jim. Your Mom didn't trust me at   
first. But slowly, she became like a mother to me.   
The mother I never had. You were so lucky to have   
her, Maria. She truly loved you. And I was so lucky   
to have you. And Jim- I didn't realize how much he   
meant until he was gone. I always envied you and Kyle   
in elementary school. You both came from single   
parent homes, but you were loved. Jim saved my ass   
more times than I can recall. He treated me like a   
son. I even liked the fact that it made Kyle jealous.   
Jim was the father I always wanted. He showed me how   
to treat a lady- and no matter what you say- I can   
just see you rolling your eyes- you are a lady. Or   
were. Whatever. He helped me teach our son to peddle   
a four wheeler. I remember your hysterical laughter   
when you figured out that I could ride a motorcycle,   
but had never even touched a bike. Just in my own   
defense…I did have Max's old skateboard… 

I'm old Maria. I won't last too much longer. And   
neither will the others. We are all showing wear and   
tear. I guess fighting wars and then raising children   
will do that to you. 

Liz might have died so long ago, and Kyle almost did   
as well. 

But without what happened- I never would have had you.   
I'd go through every single emotion, every single   
triumph, and every single regret, again….if it lead to   
you. 

It was cold, as we stood and watched the casket being   
lowered. It didn't feel like July. July, when you   
would smile and make pies just like your Mom…or the   
killer lemonade with the Tabasco sauce. 

I still love you, Maria. 

I'll always love you. 

I'm not mad that you left. I didn't want you to   
suffer anymore. I hated to see you cry- those tears   
you tried to hide from me, but still shone through. I   
knew. I knew you were hurting. 

So I let you go. 

Just as you let me go, to follow my destiny. 

I came back to you, Maria. 

And I know I'll find you in Heaven, dancing among the   
flowers up there. 

Nothing could ever kill our love, darling. 

Not even a cold day in July.   
  



End file.
